YOU Complete Me

Dear Students,

I absolutely love it when you leave my class smiling and feeling good.  What you may not know is that I sometimes sit alone in the classroom after you leave and bask in the energy.  I am so grateful to you......

Winding, Driving, Perfect Timing *screeeeeeeeeeeech*, a.k.a., WE make plans, The Big Hand just laughs

As I greet today with my foot propped up, drinking some respiratory health concoction from a "Life is Good" mug (should I have chosen the "Life is Crap" one intead?), I don't know whether to chuckle at myself, or cry, or be simply astounded at how unbelievably humanly dim-witted I still am.
Today is the day I have anxiously anticipated and worked really hard towards for some - eh, six months? ....And this is how I am starting it off?!
See.....according to Tina's plan, I should/would be gathering "stuff," preparing last minute presentations, shopping at the local supermarket, ironing clothes, and probably being a wee bit nervous, but very excited, nevertheless. Today was to have been the inaugural event for my women's collective - Faces of Eve.
But........it seems somebody had other plans for me!
I teeter between angry and amused as I envision this somebody reaching down into my life as if it were that old 70's board game --- moving pieces like pawns, spinning the wheel out of turn, and even *gasp* drawing a "lose your turn" card on my behalf?! Wait just a damn minute! I don't know whether to stand up for myself or tip the table over and storm out of the room! Angry. Amused.
Oh! Sorry! Back to the reality that is --- Life......
I sit and wonder (about today's event) --- "What the hell happened?!"
A review of the past few months (hereinafter known as "The Great Tsunami of 2009") reveals that I was indeed present and hell-bent on staying at that game table. I did all the "right things" in preparation for this event.....investing time, energy and money (and this is NOT Monopoly, folks).....marketing, creating, intending, yet - as I felt it slipping through my fingers - I continued to interrogate myself and even my cohort....."Is it the economy? Is it the day and time we chose? Is it the price? Is it the subject matter? WHY are we not getting the response I (the one in charge!) envisioned?"
*Ha!*
One of the first things I did this morning, as I do many mornings, was to check the cycle of the Moon on my handy-dandy electronic moon calculator (that we attempt to calculate Her every move by man-made electronic thingamabobs is humorous in and of itself, dontcha think?!). And, I must confess, my tone was a bit sarcastic as I spoke to "The Big Hand." "The New Moon - a time for new beginnings - how ironic, you Big Dumb Hand!" The fact that I had even gone so far as to pick the "perfect" day, according to the Moon cycle, for this event (but, until just now, had forgotten) shouldn't surprise me, I suppose. Yep, that's me! Angry. Amused.
*fidgets a bit. sips tea. sighs. ponders.*
Hmmmm......given the above, plus my reinjured ankle and "walking pneumonia" diagnosis, I suppose I could justifiably stay in bed and pout today. Yeah, that'll do it. And if "The Big Hand" or anyone else needs more I could throw in my herniated disks and empty nest syndrome. Yeah, that oughtta do it. And - just for good measure - there's always "The Great Tsunami of 2009." There! All perfectly good reasons to sit in a big ole pot o pout! That's what I'll do.
So, I now ask you, my friends, "How do I look in this pout? Is it my color? Does it slim me down a bit? Does it compliment my eyes? Is it 'me'?"
*meh*
I hobble to my billowing-sheer framed window and notice a little bird on the fence. I actually get to see him in action as he sings his morning song. The Autumn acorn shower commences in my garden. Duke meanders in, his ball cocked sideways in his mouth, and plants his paws on the windowsill beside me. Amused.
I think I need to change my clothes.

Live. And do. Or die.

Apparently an angel decided it may be fun (and perhaps necessary) to take me for a ride......
I awoke this morning with an old Aerosmith melody stuck on replay in the recesses of my mind.
It took me a while, searching the net, to find the song and then the lyrics......
Thanks for the ride, and the awakening, my beloved.
I get it.

Long ago in days untold
Were ruled by lords of greed
Maidens fair, with gold they dared
To bare their wombs that bleed
Kings And Queens and guillotines
Taking lives denied
Starch and parchments laid the laws
When bishops took the ride

Only to deceive

Oh I know I
Lived this life before
Somehow I know now
Truths I must be sure
Tossin' turnin', nightmares burnin'
Dreams of swords in hand
Sailing ships, the viking spits
The blood of father's land

Only to deceive

Living times of knights and mares
Raising swords for maidens fair
Sneer at death, fear only loss of pride
Living other centuries
Deja vu or what you please
Follows true to all who do or die
Screams of no reply
They died
Screams of no reply
And died
Lordy, Lordy, they died


Live.
and do.
or die.

R u there?

As I'm driving North (what's new) today, I was entertaining myself with an audio CD and the author was speaking about being present in the here and now - a much-discussed and practiced idealogy in my yoga classes. Just as she says, "Right here. Right now." I notice a big-wheeler on the side of the road and the driver must have been checking something in the back because he flung open the rear door. There - in big, bold, blue graffiti letters this message awaited me....."R u there?"
I scribble.
(The ever-popular notes to self.)
Here's what the author had for me next (loosely quoted).......
"As humans, we are much like fish......we are always trying to squirm away from some distress or flopping around, hungrily seeking never-ending pleasure.
Be.
Still."
Eh?
So I ask you......"R YOU there?"

Who do you know?

Untitled

ay, the synergy

"like nothing ever"

forever

is Me

"beware-d" or not

the risk lies in

an illusion

wired hot

be zapped by the surge

grasping, seizing

life force

diverged

reenacted screams

of a girl

as she

clings

to a shredded hem

dragged, and then left

never to return

again

One of my *many* goals/dreams

Your skill as a yoga teacher is not in teaching your students sophisticated technical asanas. It is in your application of yoga as a breakthrough practice for overcoming personal inhibitions, fears, and insecurities. It is in fearlessly communicating to each one of your students their greatest possibility, to see themselves as DIVINITY. It is by being in the passion and fire of yoga. ~amrit desai~

Secret Whispers

I sat down looking upward
and listening to the stars,
each one glowing bright,
winking secrets in a spectral code,
a language of pure vibrations.
One red-pink star said to me:

"Everything is alright.
Follow the directives
of your heart and for a roadmap use your dreams.
Though at times
you may feel doubt and fear,
you may hide your beauty,
forget your knowledge,
and question your ability,
know in this moment
as I kiss you with light
sent across a thousand million
galaxies of time,
that you have been
and forever shall be
wise, ancient and brilliant."

~juliett jade chi~

See Me :)

Courtesy of Wed. night Intermediate students......

who totally ROCK me!

Your Home is ---------- Here

I dreamed I was homeless, but not much bothered by it, and wandering the streets. I stumbled into a huge, old church that also happened to be a school. There were hundreds and hundreds of kids. I loved the vibe. One of the teachers, after questioning me, said I could stay until after the "assembly," which was like a church service. There were different groups of children singing all kinds of lovely hymns in various languages. So very beautiful. I remember the ornate ceiling and walls. I was awe-stricken. The childrens' voices echoed, like angels, the sounds reverberating throughout my entire being and leaving me breathless. Even now, as I recount this, I can feel it. Afterwards, I went outside and was waiting to cross the busy street when, in the midst of all the kids and parents and traffic and chaos, somehow the head guy - the bishop or priest or something like that, who seemed very old and wise and clearly highly regarded - found and approached me. As we walked together back toward the school, he explained that he had heard of me from the teachers I had talked to during my "stay." We walked - resounding footsteps - through the halls of the historic structure. We talked quietly, through winding corridors of stone, dusty nooks and crannies, and overhead chandeliers. Perhaps I'll never know the end. In fact, I think I missed the end...Because I was too busy trying to figure out why the guy offered ME, the homeless yoga teacher, a high-level position at this too-lovely-for-words place.
How about you? Are you ever too busy trying to figure this life shit out to just accept what is being offered to you?

The Fear Virus

This thanks to Carol Burbank, my Reiki Master, trainer, mentor, and dear friend (check out some of her upcoming events at www.storyweaving.com!).........

FIGHT THE FEAR VIRUS: SUPPORT AND PATIENCE LIGHT UP THE NIGHT


Last month, I caught the fear virus. It had me really down for a few days. It started with a radio news program – partly speculation, and mostly bad -- and escalated because a few friends on my callback list vented their own anxieties, from babies to budgets. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to listen – it was that every story I heard that day woke up my own stories, my own anxieties. They began to niggle at me, then nag, then weigh in on every mental conversation. The virus had taken hold.

I went through the usual stages: denial, major panic, depression, minor panic, my own venting and finally, obsessive planning. Then I did the right thing: I had a good dinner, watched a dumb movie with old friends, took a deep breath, and asked for help with the things I couldn’t handle. The next morning I made a list of first steps to deal with the pressures, which seemed smaller than before. I took the first step. I was tired, but I knew I was recovering.

What does it take to shake off the fear virus, or better yet, immunize ourselves against it, in these uncertain times? Whatever the challenge we’re facing (or avoiding!), this is probably the first question we need to answer if we’re going to deal effectively with the uncertainty around us. When we let hard times drive us into fear, whether it’s fear-based action or fear-based inaction, we move away from solutions and into chaos. With chaos comes stress, more fear, and larger problems.

What does it take? Persistence and patience. Good will towards ourselves and others. Courage and practicality. And the ability to ask for help when we need it, as well as the willingness to do everything we need to do so that, step by step, we become more grounded in the possibilities offered, the actions required and available, the solutions we can build immediately and over time.

For those of us who are still pretty stable, facing the uncertainty of the future with a solid base, fear makes us underestimate ourselves, undermines that real stability and replaces it with an imaginary weakness. This kind of ungrounding is just as dangerous as panic in the face of a real challenge, because it makes us withdraw, contract and immobilize when we don’t need to be that small, when we’re really not so limited at all. In the end, this kind of fear limits our future strength by creating a convincing illusion that blinds us to who and what we really are.

In the classic science fiction novel, Dune, meditators chant, “Fear is the mind-killer, fear is the little death….” Franklin Roosevelt said, memorably, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself!”

When you feel the shiver of the fear virus, resist! No matter what your situation is, too much fear will only make it worse. Try these three steps.

1. Take a deep breath, into your hara, your deep belly. Take another deep breath and affirm, “This feeling of fear reminds me to stand strong and be resilient. I pay attention to what’s important. I take action when I need to, using all the resources available to me.”
2. When you feel strong, when you remember that fear is only a reminder that you need to pay attention, decide on the first step you need to take to address your situation (only the first step – the second step will become clear and possible after the first!), and take it immediately.
3. Get help to manage your physical, emotional and spiritual health!

-If chronic stress is breaking down your immunity, get a massage or a reiki session, work out at the gym, go dancing, take a walk, get moving and let it go!
-If you need someone to help you think the problem through, find a coach, a pastor or a friend to walk the path with you. You don’t have to be alone!
-If you’re challenged physically as well as emotionally, consult a physician or a therapist. Sometimes a check-up, or a few grounding sessions will help you remember your strengths and identify simple steps to boost your psychological and physical health.

It’s hard enough to deal with uncertainty when we’re healthy. Don’t let the fear virus derail your life! Resist, recharge and refocus!

Ignorance is Bliss

I was turned down for a gig today.
That, I can handle.
What I can't handle is......
the reason I was given.
".....yoga does not align with Christian principles..."
Hmmm.
That was enough to make me get latte #2 at Panera.
Hmmm.
Fear?
Ignorance?
"Lower your expectations, Tina."
"People who don't get it, don't GET IT."
Lots of things running through my mind.
YOU KNOW, I normally do not entertain religious or political debate. At all.
Word.
But I'm just bothered by this today.
And what's more, I happen to know that they have Judo classes at this very location (plus lots of other events and activities of all shapes and sizes).
So I investigate a little about Judo. Because now I'm genuinely curious about Judo "principles."
Please do understand, Dear Reader, I have ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY nothing against anyone who practices Judo! But.....the primary objective is "throwing one's opponent to the ground"???? (this from several sources)
Now THERE'S Christianity at its best for ya, eh? Makes me aspire to be one for sure, how about you?
Whew.
I'm really trying hard to wrap my mind around this.
This - the fact that.....
I am teaching deep breathing, correct posture, stretching exercises, and relaxation, in a non-competitive, non-judgmental and non-harmful manner and environment and that does not align with Christian principles; yet throwing someone to the ground does? I think somebody just gave Christianity a BADDDDDD name. God bless them.

Boggy Depot

passing smiles

in a reflecting pool

sunlit flesh

tendril water trails

trickling body creations

moss-covered shinies

in a boggy depot

where i vow my return

to Sea creature people

I Choose Me

I love this idea --

This thought that

I no longer have to wait around and wonder

If or when I'll be "The Chosen One"

By any other human being.



The waiting is over.

I am already chosen.

I am already the One.

I am already Divine.



So from here on out ---

I am the One

Who will choose Me.

Home

In Honor and Loving Memory of Lodi

There are so many things to thank you for. You were an unconditional and steadfast friend to me and my family for many many years. Thank you for being a constant in my life and always believing in me, as a Mom and a person. Thank you also for being a positive role model and mentor to my daughter and an example for her of a true gentleman, with a kind heart and gentle spirit. You have left a mark on our hearts and lives and you will not be forgotten, my friend. Rest in eternal peace and freedom.

My Edge

I am the edge I seek,
a crossroads of divinity.

~Trillium~

The Enchanted (Cont'd.) a.k.a. Turns Disenchanted

Not many things piss me off.
Do many things piss you off?

(Reminds me of a Chris Caffery song for those fellow fans out there).

Anyways......
I used to be a huge Oprah fan. I guess I'm still a big Oprah fan, just no longer huge. She's done and said some things of late that have chipped away at my respect level for her but, hey, ya can't please everyone all the time so I'll let her slide :)
I caught bits and pieces of her show the other day outta the ear that's in the back of my head.....
Seems she had some guy on there who wrote a book about what women can do to keep their husband happy so he doesn't run off and have an affair. (Feel free to correct me if you saw the whole show and I totally misunderstood the entire thing----in fact, I kinda hope somebody DOES tell me I misunderstood it).
I didn't have time to actually sit down and devote to watching this show. But, would I have wanted to?
I kept thinking I couldn't be hearing what I was hearing. And, on Oprah?
But no, I DID hear it.
And there were women on there giving other women advice?
And this guy is some doctor or well-renowned, highly-educated something something, at the least?
WHAT in the world?

OK, something like that just PISSES ME OFF.
Let me ask you - have you ever seen a book about what a man can do to keep HIMSELF happy and to keep HIMSELF from having an affair?
Does the responsibility for a man's appropriate behavior lie in his wife's lap?
Sounds more like a mother role to me.
Also sounds one sided and like alot of work.

Admittedly, I am no expert in relationships.
But.....
W.
T.
F.

Thoughts?

The Enchanted

So, a friend of mine's blog got me thinking (thanks Ter).....
about relationships.
or partnerships.
or marriages.
or whatever we even call them these days.

Just part of what Ter wrote (which may or may not make sense taken out of its original context).....

"...it certainly has taken me a long time.
and.....once you touch it, doesn't mean you've got it.
it's a constant thing to work at.
it can drift away in a moment..."

That's some heavy duty stuff right there, no matter what "it" is to you.

I was thinking about how there's an enchanting phase of most relationships. It's the phase where the other person helps you or does things for you or offers to you because they want to, not because they feel somehow responsible to. Yanno?
Well, and how about you (Tina)? How long does the phase last for you?

Terri is so right. Once you touch it, doesn't mean you've got it.
And it IS a constant thing to work at.
And it CAN drift away in a moment.

Wonder why God/dess makes it that way?

She Melts

I've eaten the sun so my tongue has been burned of the taste.....

Funny how just one song can exemplify an entire era of one's life......

Live on the Edge

Had a grand time over the weekend shopping and tea-ing in Ellicott City. Highly recommend, if you have never been.....
So, my friend and I are in one of the many quaint shops where I'm oooohing and aaahing at every turn. Found some most enchanting little pocket stones and silver rings with sayings etched on them. Of course I'm digging through the basket trying different ones on, seeing which ones fit and "call to me." Of alllllllllll those cute little rings the one that kept bubbling to the top was the one that reads "Live on the Edge." Figure that must be the one that has something to show me, pop it on my finger and have worn it ever since.
Funny thing is.....ever since I've been wearing this ring.....geeeeeeeeeez, have I been on edge! lol This week has been an upside-down, get stuck, doesn't work, blown out, scream-filled, tear-filled week. Thinking - did I bring some bad luck to myself or something ? (no, I don't really believe that but admit it, sometimes ya gotta wonder).
So I look up the actual meaning of the phrase and here's just one of the many takes I stumble into:
"your edge" = the place where you feel stretched to be more, do more and believe in your personal and professional aspirations.
bingo.
touchdown.
snap.
score.
sweet.
I like.
Think I'll try my new Edge on for size today.
(yeah, and probably pop in some Aerosmith for the commute)

Who's That Girl?

Dug this out at the request of a new friend.....

Beneath a honeysuckle blanket
Whitewash calls fingertips
Invoking dewdrop shivers
And trembles to my lips

No looking back any longer
My pinfeather kindred await
Never again to whisper
Beyond this mortal gate

Bottoms-up from trees
Swinging spider, a skinned knee
Suckling berries, sips from streams
In the Queendom of Dance Free!

Purple petal coverlets
Lay me down in cloud grass
The arabesque of angels
Atop ponds of stained glass

Jete in moonlit waves
Fae limbs upon white sands
Shrieks and songs of laughter
On shores of unknown lands

And if a shower threatens
As I sway in the arms of trees
I'll invite these petals of peace
"Come, rain down upon me please."

Still waters as my mirror
I don't look quite the same
Watermarks across sweet hearts -
Sibyllic berry stains.

A Small Pot Boils the Quickest

This past week was the week of dealing with difficult people.
Dealing with unprofessionalism.
Dealing with inefficiencies.
Dealing with those who like to push their shit off on others.
And at times, dealing with outright disrespect and rudeness.

I am reminded of the sticky notes I once had that said..."I meditate. I drink green tea. I do yoga. And I still wanna smack someone!"

I was watching something this morning and the message was that it is our CHOICE to receive or not the toxins someone else cares to spread around. It's our CHOICE to carry it. To take it on our person. To put it in our backpack, as my beloved would say.

Whew. Sure can be a challenge sometimes, eh? I mean, the first time or two in a week I can b-r-e-a-t-h-e away. The third and fourth time I am able to shake. The fifth and six times I can call on Amazing Grace (as in previous post). But, dayamn, sometimes I start to feel like one of those auto return baseball things. How many times can I "boing" before the net starts to lose it's ummph, yanno?

Still in my car. Still in my lane. Maybe not vrooming, but puttering at least.

Can someone direct me to the free refills please?

Addendum: check out the ACIM message today >>>>

Amazing Grace

is that little voice inside me that tells me NOT to respond to someone/thing before I am in a good frame of mind to do so, yanno? Amazing Grace tends to save my ass alot! How about you - do you have a Grace?

Flow

At dawn in its unfurling
In my soul I felt the burning
Said goodbye to yesterday
Has One become the luxury
The one we drop so easily
Because we just can't pay?

The moon as an illusion
Lost symbol of our fusion
Appearing in the haze
The road is always winding
Driving, thinking, crying
"Can we just cut through the maze?"

My mind is full of questions
Hung on promises and lessons
Spilled answers veiled in lies
Can we change the All we wanted
When the circle grows more daunted
And pushes us outside?

There just is no expression
When within our own confession
The Self gets left behind
To craft the perfect picture
Does the palette hold a tincture
With that tonic drop inside?

Our lust for life is treading
Not knowing where we're heading
The love we had in tow
If I could read the presages
The bits-and-pieces messages
Would I understand the flow?

If Ever You Should Wonder

Moonshine Baptismal

And on the night of the full moon

she enveloped her entire Self in a seaside cradle.

Crashing wave lullabies and seafoam arpeggio played the rhythm -

Her heartbeat the lead.

Beneath an indigo blanket of stars

And an illuminated night rainbow

She was baptized

Annointed in moonshine.

Today's ACIM

Is so weird.
And good.
And bad.

"My thoughts do not mean anything."

I like this part: "...you might imagine that you are watching an oddly assorted procession going by, which has little if any personal meaning to you." Kinda similar to using the Witness to observe yourself in a play, me thinks. I like that. Thoughts just marchin on by while I'm eatin popcorn :) With Old Bay and butter on it! Yep. There is a fluffy floor cushion available next to me if anyone would care to join me :)

May I Have This Dance?

Today I Am...........

Hyper-keenly aware of life and death.
That is all.

My Shapeshifter Friend

They say you stole the sun.
This is inexact.
You hid the light in darkness
where the light-killers could not find it
so the sun could shine brighter than before.

They say you are black
because you are evil and unkind.
They do not say you swallowed
your own shadow and mastered it
at the price of wearing its colors. (aye, the courage)

Shivering, they call you death-knell,
Death-eater, bad omen, flying banshee
because you feed on death that feeds on men.
You strip what rots from what remains.
You give us the purity of the bones.

Trickster, they call you.
Oh yes, you'll do your wickedest
to ensure our way is never routine
and we are forced to improvise and transform.
You won't let us swap our souls for a plan. (love this!)

At least they don't accuse you
of minor crimes.
I praise and claim your gifts
of putting on darkness to come and go safely
in the darkest places, joking with Death.

~Robert Moss~

Thanks to Robin for thinking of me :)

Leap of Faith

Standing before a fork
in the road
there is not a right answer

or truth cast in stone, there are
choices and plans and desire,

there is the heart of fire and
twist of fate,
there is unveiling

of who you are and who you
are becoming.

This I have found after
bargaining with my hopes

and my destiny. There is only
a still quiet voice within

that tells me trust what you
know and then surrender,

leap if you must, let your wings
unfurl, let your angels play catch.

We drink dreams from a
sliver of moon.

~Wendy L. Brown~